What anger are you storing?
Your anger can cause psychological, emotional and even physical issues for you. Holding onto anger does more damage to you than the person that caused it. You may have very legitimate reasons for being upset at a family member or friend, but forgiveness is extraordinarily freeing. As we head into a fresh new fall season, free yourself from your anger and forgive the people in your life.
You can Forgive.
When you truly want to forgive someone, you have to first understand where they are coming from. What is their perspective? What if you unknowingly said or did something that hurt their feelings? Put yourself in their shoes. It can be very liberating to understand, or at least speculate why someone did something mean or hurtful to you.
Be realistic about your expectations.
Do you demand unconditional love? Do you get upset when your partner can’t or won’t meet your expectations? Do you want people or your partner to adhere to your rules? You can’t demand unconditional love all the time. You can’t give unconditional love all the time. You can’t get upset, hurt or mad because your partner or those close to you don’t play by your rules. Your expectations are unrealistic. You have to understand that partners and people and they are not perfect. You have to be realistic about your expectations.
Choose to let go of your negative feelings.
Why do you continue to hold onto your hurt, pain or anger? What’s your benefit in keeping these feelings? Forgiving someone does not mean you must allow them to be part of your life. You can make the choice to forgive someone. You can also make the choice to not let them back into your life. You can free yourself of negative feelings and let go of someone who is unhealthy for you. You will feel healthier and free to move forward in your life without them.
Choosing to forgive and keep a person in your life is an option too. You must truly let go of your hurt, pain or anger. You may find writing your feelings down will help you forgive and move forward. You may need to speak to the person and tell them how you feel. Whatever your method, you must completely forgive them.
Stop beating yourself up with guilt or shame. You can be upset with yourself but you have to accept what you’ve done in order to forgive yourself. You have the ability to learn from your actions by taking responsibility for them. You have to admit to yourself that you and you alone are responsible. If you use the other person’s actions or behavior as an excuse for your own behavior you are making excuses. Excuses will keep you locked in feelings of guilt, shame and anger.
Be compassionate with yourself.
If you are truly struggling with forgiving yourself try this: imagine your best friend did or said what you did. Would you find compassion for them? You would likely be supportive and advise them not to be so hard on themselves. Make peace with yourself about what you did or said, then own it. You will feel as if a heavy weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
Forgiving is liberating.
You will feel liberated and uplifted by forgiving someone. Your forgiveness does not guarantee the other person will change. Reassess if they are a healthy person to have in your life.
Forgive when you are truly ready.
You must be absolutely sincere in your forgiveness. Forgive and set clear boundaries so you do not end up hurt or upset and have to explore the issues again.
Who do you need to forgive?
Let go of all your hurt and negative feelings. Forgive those you need to – including yourself. Let go of your angry feelings for the uplifting, liberating and perhaps even peaceful sensation of forgiveness.